Own Your Ramadhan

Ramadhan Mubarak

*insert mumbling of how hard it is to keep posting every week*

How is your Ramadhan going, guys? Alhamdulillah, it’s second day of Ramadhan for me, 7 more hours before Maghreb. I hope you all got the spirit that you needed to have a blast journey this month. And for those who are not celebrating, i wish you a very great summer!

This Ramadhan is very special for me, it’s my first Ramadhan as wife and i can’t be more grateful to Allah for the feeling of spending Ramadhan together as a family. Having a great partner to support you in a treasure hunting feels so great, so powerful and so amazing. Yes, for us Ramadhan is a month that hide so many treasure and we prepared to not miss any of it Insha Allah. The treasure that we wish to find out is a big leap that make us closer to Allah and Jannah, because we believe once that leap is achieved, we will be better person for ourselves and other human being.

Our preparations start by fully understood what is the great meaning behind Ramadhan and how it affect us as human being. From that we figure out our Vision, Mission and Goals in Ramadhan. I put down everything we agreed on the wall as a reminder (and decoration) for our Ramadhan spirit.

you should make one too! its fun!

you should make one too! its fun!

try to dechiper B's writing!

try to dechiper B’s writing!

While we were doing our preparation for our Ramadhan, i personally find a big answer for my gloomy heart. I was really worried that i will not spend this Ramadhan greatly because i am not in position which i can give a lot or share something to a lot of peoplem i was always thought that Ramadhan is always about giving out and doing good deeds. But Alhamdulillah, i got to watch Nouman Ali Khan (my favourite ustadz!!) sharing his routine on Ramadhan, and from him i realize that actually Ramadhan should be more individualistic. I cried so much when i finally understand that Ramadhan is supposed to be the month of getting closer to Allah and understand Qur’an more, i feel so relieved.

19 hours without food and drink is tough but alhamdulillah that Allah guarantee to put everyone at ease. Yesterday was my first taraweeh in Germany and i had to bike 5km to reach the masjid in the middle of the night, i thought i can’t make it and i would be super tired and grumpy but then when i reached home at 2 am i felt so happy, a little bit sleepy but not tired at all. I wasn’t much productive in my first day fasting, but insha Allah second day will comes better (i am writing a blog post today, see!)

Fasting in Germany indeed comes with quiet different (harder) obstacles (atleast for me as an Indonesian), the surrounding doesn’t really show the festive of Ramadhan, longer fasting time, silent Ramadhan night and i lost my appetite during Sahoor ( i was just eating muesli for sahoor instead of a plate of rice and chicken!). But i believe with a great obstacles comes even great reward, i really wish this Ramadhan would make me closer to Allah and Qur’an and turn me into the best version of myself. Amin.

first taraweeh!

first taraweeh!

Again, Ramadhan Mubarok everyone. What is your goal in this Ramadhan? For those who aren’t celebrating, i am curious, do you feel weird when you know that your colleague is fasting? What is your thought on Ramadhan?

PS: Brace yourself more Ramadhan and islamic post is coming X)







Origin of Mankind

In the name of Allah
Most Gracious
Most Merciful

Verily We created man from a product of wet earth;
then placed him as a drop(of seed) in a safe lodging;
then We fashioned the drop into a clot, then We fashioned the clot into a little lump,
then We fashioned the little lump into bones,
then clothed the bones with flesh, and then produced it another creation.

then does he get you out (into the light) as a child:
then lets you (grow and) reach your age of full strength;
then lets you become old,-
though of you there are some who die before;-
and lets you reach a term appointed; in order that you may learn wisdom

And those who strive in Our (Cause)
We will certainly guide them to Our Paths: for verily Allah is with those who do right

We showed him the Way:
whether he be grateful or ungrateful
(rests on his will).

Shall I give you glad tidings of things
Far better than those?
For the righteous are Gardens
in nearness to their Lord

Napowrimo prompt 18 is about urgent journey and important message. I can’t think about most beautiful journey in my life other than the time when I just born and entering the world. To deliver experience in that matter, I try to write in God’s point of view as the one who give me order to live and continue the journey. And the best way to write God’s words is write His words literally. So here I am gathering verses in Quran about human creation and it’s purpose, to turn them into poetry.

I am amazed how beautifully written the Quran is.

Here are the surah and the verse that I take to make this poetry.

Mecca, The Magical City

If you could zoom through space in the speed of light, what place would you go to right now?

A city that literally never stop praying. Source

When I read the prompt for Writing 101 day 2, I can’t think about one particular place to go. As twentysomething, I want to go everywhere around the world. Getting to know various cultures, step on many kind of grounds, have relationships with people. That’s my ultimate dream. I want to zoom the earth just like when I play with a globe, I touch a city and feel the vibe of getting there.

I keep asking myself. Is it London? But I never be there, and why would I undergo London, to see how beautiful people commute? NAH. Is it Broadway? So I can get to watch free musical over and over. Nope, those reasons are not strong enough to explain what place is that I’m longing for. And it is definitely not my current bedroom, eventhough it has beautiful series of pines as the scenery, I am not loving it yet.

Then I asked my husband, explained him what the prompt is, because most of the time, he knows me better than I do. And this time, he reminded me for something important (like always). He said “Of course, it’s Mecca hun”. That’s all, that’s it, that’s the answer. I am a little ashamed of myself, because my longing of worldly places make me forget the righteous one.

I never been there, but next year inshaallah If God’s will, my husband and I will go there to perform pilgrimage or Hajj. We are there to fulfill our duty to complete the fifth pillar of Islam, along with hope that we can be a better person after perform it.

Mecca is magical, at least for me and billions other people who had been there and longing to be there. As Indonesian Muslim who get enough Islamic education, I heard story about Mecca a lot. Before I knew that Cinderella exist, I know Khadijah (the love of Prophet Muhammad) is the true queen and she is from Mecca. I know the direction to Mecca from my very own room since I have to face it five times a day, every day. I learned about the city’s history more than I learn about my country’s. That’s how I attached to Mecca.

I can imagine myself strolling over Masjid al-Haram and see the army of Abrahah with their elephants destroy all the idols around Kaaba in 6th century. Zamzam Well gonna bedazzles me so much, since it is the well from thousands of BC. Wherever I walk around, I feel like living the life of Prophet Muhammad, knowing that He was born and raised in this very city walking, eating, chatting and got revelation. It empowers me so much, because I know whatever he did as great human being was mostly happen in this very city. And when I get a chance to make tawaf (the circumambulation seven times around the Kaaba in a counterclockwise direction), I can see myself crying happily, feeling safe that I am one step closer to be in heaven. I feel relieved, because I see my gate to heaven, I feel loved because I know my God is there to welcome me, guide me, teach me, remind me to be a better person in this world and in the hereafter.

B puts the closure about this feeling by saying “It’s like when you miss someone so much, you pray for Him five times a day for years and then you get chance to met him.”

Just by remember and writing about the city already give me the positive spiritual energy to live my life better. Thank you The Daily Post for this prompt that make me thinking clearly and have a piece zone within myself.

Emily and Azmi’s Faith

“Faith” is a guidance
For Gentlemen to walk easily-
While Microscopes are presence
So that the Blind can see

In Napowrimo day 5, poets have to reconstruct any of Emily Dickinson works. Thanks to John Green who gives me a short introduction to Emily. https://t.co/SIJERJb4W4

I choose poetry number 202, after fully understand the deep meaning behind these four lines.

“Faith” is a fine invention
When Gentlemen can see –
But Microscopes are prudent
In an Emergency.

Instead of reconstruct the poetry, I prefer to recreate Emily’s idea of faith (religion) and Microscopes (science).

Can you see it?

Late Nite with Islamic Documentary (Part Ibn Battuta)


When B choosed this docu to watch in our Ramadhan weekend, i tried so hard to remember who is Ibn Battuta. That name sounds so familiar but still i cant recall any description about him on my head. I tried to googling the name, but then i calm myself down to see his story later on from the docu. It is really funny, how we are gen Y find information so easily, so then memorize something means nothing. I do really blame google for my lame brain function to memorize something (i ask B to keep thinking i have a little Alzheimer stuffs on my head for everything that i forget).

with that beard and clothes my dear friend >.<

with that beard and clothes my dear friend >.<


This video is supported by National Geographic, so no need to worry about quality of the cinematography or the plot itself. As the lead actor, Chems-Eddine Zinoune is from Marrocco, you also will savor another things that wont make you sleepy during 45 minutes documentary. 😉 LOOOL, the thing is this docu won’t make you sleep at all! The plot and backsound are beautifully in harmony to make your mind wander together with the docu.

I do learn a lot from Ibn Battuta after watch this docu. Who doesnt? He is a great example to be a youth adventurer tho, since Ibn Battuta is the greatest traveller of all time. Yeah, it is so sad for me to remember Marco Polo well but forget anything about Ibn Battuta. He is a brother who  travelled over 73,000 miles (117 500 km) and visited the equivalent of 44 modern countries! Please do note that it was in 14th century where no plane, not even car had been discovered!
The things that this great man teach us, youngsters, is not just about go outside the world! discover everything! it is also not about go find new land and conquer it! It simply teaches us to travelling with faith.

This docu doesnt bring us to 44 countries on his journey, modestly the director bring us on Battuta’s first journey that inspired those walk to 44 countries. Yeah, indeed we really should thank the inisiator of this docu, to bring us an amazing journey of the greatest traveller or all time. It is all start from a dream to see Mecca and begin from a braveness of 21 year old man to travel alone for 18 months in middle east dessert. So simple until each of us can be like him to be one of the greatest man of all time. We just need to dream and being brave.

Mecca is his first journey, however it was strange for man in his village to go to Mecca alone in such early age, he is still doing it. Not knowing this journey lied with lots of misfortune and adversity that will he remember for all his life. Spiritually, seeing Ibn Battuta’s journey to Mecca reflects me to just believe in Allah’s help. If we are longing something good, even if we are stuck in wrong deeds Allah will always come in so many different way. Faidza ‘azamta fatawakkal ‘alaa Allah, Innallaha yuhibbul mutawakkiliin. That’s what i keep seeing on this docu. That’s what Allah said on Ali Imran ayat 159: ‘…And once you have taken a decision, place your trust in Allah. Surely, Allah loves those who place their trust in Him.”

Another thought in my mind when i watch this doku is Travel more, closer to Allah even more!  Like Ibn Battuta, following his passion means just another way to praise Allah.

I have indeed—praise be to God—attained my desire in this world, which was to travel through the Earth, and I have attained this honour, which no ordinary person has attained. – Ibn Battuta exclaimed on Rihla.

Marco Polo Ibn Battuta

So hello gen Y who has this adversity live in 21st century, what are you waiting to travel more? Find your inspiration to be tougher to achieve your dream by watching Ibn Battuta story here

For me the thing that kick me to travel was when i went to Jakarta -the capital city- for a competition to represent my high school and my province. As a girl from a small city, it was a very big deal for me to see different people, culture and surroundings even just from the same country. That memories keep me believe that there is always a way to travel, we just have to want it badly and struggle more. Travel is like a pause of my life, as well as reflection and a new start. What is travelling for you?

PS: You can also read the book about his journey, title Rihla or The Voyage or The Journey. I will order it soon!!!

PSS: So far i’ve been all around Indonesia, Malaysia, Vietnam and Germany. Next week will go to Netherland. I am not planning to stop. Recent struggle are for Guinea and Thailand. Pray for me!


Late Nite with Islamic Documentary (part Ali)



On this Ramadhan, me and B try new way to learn more about Islam. Since its my first Ramadhan to fast more than 12 hours (for 19 hours exactly) we tried to find light activity to fill out the time between iftar and sahoor (other than salah and read quran). In Germany, the iftar is on 10pm and we have to finish the sahoor around 3am, not enough time to have sleep. Then, we choosed to watch documentaries or movies about Islam. We bear in our mind to choose only the good quality docu so we can learn a lot without being force to sleep at midnight. So far we already watch two docus and two and a half movie (yeah we tried to watch Malcolm which is 2 and half hour long and it was long days for both of us, so we decide to sleep first before sahoor).

Well, indeed watching movies or docu that related to Islam is really fun and inspiring deeds. I always have this urge to write about what i watch, since when i watched the movie i was thinking a lot (but then, i dont have time until now). Btw i just realized, good movie indeed has to be watched at least twice. First watch to entertain ourselves by the acting, the cinematography and how great the story is. But then we need to rewatch it since we need time to rethink, to find the reliability of the stories, to see if its relevance with the real fact or not, to find a hidden message (you never know those illuminati try to illuminate us from movies right 😛 😛 :P). Eventho, i know its hard to find time to rewatch a movie before 5 years has passed, considering movie lists that we already had after watch one. (Which reminds me, i havent watched TFIOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

So, our first movie for this Ramadhan was Ali.

nope, its not Ali and his Pa. Its Will Smith and Muhammad Ali

nope, its not Ali and his Pa. Its Will Smith and Muhammad Ali

Yeah, it is a classic. 2001 was the year for this movie to launch.Imdb rate? 6,7! But the reason to watch this movie is not because rating or whatsoever. It is simply because B is Ali’s biggest fan and he already tried to make watch it since two years ago! 😀 but  i always tried to find reasonable excuse to not watch it.  But i have no excuse this time. We want to watch enjoyable movie about Islam, and i know exactly how important Ali for American muslims. So, yeah i give up.

And man, i feel so stupid to keep refusing for watching this incredible movie. I dunno how could i have the idea that this movie will be boring. Ah i remember, i thought this movie is all about boxing. But then, i cried for all Ali’s jokes and his lowest-lif e moment. Well, just think about that now give me enough goosebumps.

Watching this movie lead me to understand the basic of Islam again. Ali is a convert muslim, a convert always could tell us more about this religion of peace other than born-muslim itself sometimes. Converts choose, converts struggles, converts learn more. But most of us (the muslim born) keep receiving for the knowledge and face less struggles (sometimes privilage to be born as a moslim make us forget to be grateful to Allah by learn more about Islam itself). Btw, B is a convert for 7 years ago and alhamdulillah there is no gap between us about knowledge of Islam, since i think i also just rediscover Islam with my concious as a teenager around 7 years ago.

It was in the 60’s when ‘Islam’ has not known for bombing the world, but it is known for nothing. I do really wondering how can Ali be a muslim and a world influencer at that era, when everything was still black and white. He is so proud being Ali rather than Casillias and the most important he told the world about that, he shout to the world for what he believes in, in the 60’s. I search for that kind of figure nowadays, and i dont find any. There are so many great muslim scholars and artist but i think none have ever shout as loud as Ali about Islam.

Other than how funny Will Smith potrayed Ali in this movie (in a very similiar way), another scene that i recalled from Ali the movie is about Ali’s quarrel with his first wife. Can you guess what is the quarrel about? it is about covering your body, women! It was on one of his match, when his wife presented there with up hair do and full make up plus bling bling tight dress. Ali win in that match, but he was not happy at all for what his wife look like. He simply compare himself to his wife (if he dressed up and colour his hair like white people), he truly just wants his wife to cover a little and being proud as black woman the way she is! With that scene, i remember that i’ve ever read somewhere about Ali gives advice to his daughter Fatima, to also cover herself. Oh ya, his second wife is baker hijaabi! (eventhough they split in the end for principles matter, but this second wife was there to accompany Ali for all his struggle after he refuse to join Vietnam War).

Oh that brings me to talk about his braveness for refusing the Army! He was the biggest thing that refuse the Army at that time, again he just bid everything that he has for what he believes is right. Oh, he indeed makes his licence fly away, his passport, his champion’s title! Gosh, if we want to see a man, Ali is a great example right. A man with a principle. So sad, we saw people with a lot of unnecessary principles nowadays.

Duh, i actually just want to write 800 words to not bored you, alas there is so much to talk about this movie. So, let me continue key! The other most favourite scene is……

If you watch the movie, you will weep on this. After restless moment against the goverment, after no boxing for years Ali has to go to Zaire (nowadays Congo, see even a country changes its name. This Ali story is so old it is should become a history!) to win his title against Michael Foreman (when you look at him, he was scarier than Ali and bigger as well!no body knew who will win!). Surprisingly, in Zaire Ali has welcomed so well that everybody keep shouting Bumaye Ali! Which is cheer for Ali to kill Foreman soon in Rumble in the Jungle (PS: greatest boxing ever before Thriller in Manila).

Well, within the song and the scene you really can feel a lot of emotion there. I think that’s the moment when Ali really belief in himself that he can win against Foreman, that’s the moment for Ali to realize he is really more than a boxer, what he is doing really have a great impact on people! So he has to keep fighting for it! And so does me, this scene inspire me to believe in myself more in low point of my life. To be as great as Ali, does not come easily. Passion is needed, so does perseverance. Tough and confidence are the items that we should have.

i catch sincerity there. i always catch one whenever i see him.

i catch sincerity there. i always catch one whenever i see him.

I never dream to be as great as Ali, but i believe one Muslim will be. Ali is fighting Parkinson for nearly three decades now, lets pray to Allah for the best of him.

Well, sun is rising now, i believe i write enough for what i remember the most about Ali the movie. You can dig a lot more about Ali from his interviews in Youtube, and those are fun to watch. I think B and I will watch HBO films: Muhammad Ali’s Greatest Fight , this one is from 2013 and from the journalist’s perspective. (After 50 years, people still makes another movie of him :O)

How well you know Muhammad Ali, fellas? What do you think of him? 🙂


PS: Float like a butterfly, Sting like a bee.


The Pursuit to be the best Husband as written by mein Mann

Bismillah ir rahman ir rahhim,

This project will start today and continue for the rest of my life Insha’Allah. From today on, I will study about marriage and family every single day of my life and share my knowledge with everybody who values my effort to be a good husband and Father.

May Allah accept this humble effort of mine to pursuit being the best Husband Insha’Allah. So I can do my part to help my family reunite in Jannah someday.Insha’Allah

What is my inspiration?

The first thing that comes through my mind when I think about inspiration is Jannah. This is the one inspiration, which truly is the only real inspiration.

Inspiration is the enormous source of life. We all need an inspiration otherwise we can’t reach our dreams. So when I think about my inspiration it think like….. I am the one who will continue my blood line one day. The only reason why I am on this earth is Allah give me life and give me a mother and a father. My children will have a mother and father and their children too and the children of my children too…..

So how beautiful will it be to be reunited with all the generations from the past and future of your family in Jannah. Isn’t that the best inspiration ever? I can be the cornerstone that starts to build a new house.

This is an enormous responsibility that I have to be aware of, before getting married. To get ready for this I must prepare myself. Prepare means to read as many as books as I can, to study all aspects of life consciously and to pray to Allah to guidance me to the right path. This is a process that will endure until the day I die. Without seeking for more and more blessings from Allah day by day I will fail.

Today I just realize that it’s not enough to just try to be a better Muslim day by day. Jazak’Allahu Khairan to the person who teach me this lesson. It may be enough if I just live on my own but if I want to start a family I must be ready for this, and continue striving to be the best husband every day. Marriage contains all facilities from Islam. If I master to be a good husband, I can master the trial of life.

I do have responsibility to my wife and kids as well. So therefore I must be the best example that is possible.

The Prophet Pbuh said, “Each child is born in a state of “Fitrah”, then his parents make him a Jew, Christian or a Zoroastrian, the way an animal gives birth to a normal offspring. Have you noticed any that were born mutilated?” [Collected by Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

So may Allah guide me and accept my effort to be the best father and husband for my family. And may Allah guidance my family to reach Jannah one day. Amin I ask Allah for forgiveness.

How to start the pursuit to be best Husband?

follow Muhammad Rassoulallah pbuh is the best Husband ever and also ever will be…….


Before emulate the Prophet (pbuh) I have to get rid of all the things in this world that I love too much. Our prophet (pbuh) already has been the best human but I am not. I have to let go everything that chain me to dunya too much.

So there is Islamic concept called Aschq and it defines the passionate love to sophistication. Right now I do feel that passionate love to a special person in my life but if I want to truly become a good Husband I must let it go. That is not mean that I should not love her at all but I must be aware of my true Love to Allah (swt). My true love to Allah will help me to control my love with the Islamic requirements.

The best love is to Allah (swt) and the Prophet (pbuh). Our Love to Allah’s creation is a manifestation of his dignity that is given to us in the beauty of this world. The Prophet (pbuh) teaches us that the mercy of Allah is split into 100 pieces and Allah will let us know 99 of them in Jannah. The love is the only thing that Allah already give us in dunya. This love is ubiquitous all over Allah’s creation.

Love is the best thing that Allah give all his creation in this world, so we should love all facilities of life because of Allah but not because of our dependence to the things itself. But I must be aware of my real that my real love is to Allah. This is also the reason why we always should say: I love u because of Allah

Our prophet (pbuh) said: “The best of you is the best to his wife and I am the best to my wife.” It is not said: whoever loves his wife the most…….So I think I can learn out of this hadith that love maybe isn’t always the best that I can give to my wife one day. I shouldn’t be blinded from love.

Alhamdulillah I can get a lot of Baraka today and feel more ready to love. Ar Rahman Ir Rahim shall May Love to Allah and his creation be the water of life.

Cherchez la Muslima J

In France people say: “Cherchez la femme” which means: “Search for the woman”. So there is always a woman standing behind every successful man. And if this is true there must be also always be a Muslimah standing behind every successful Muslim.

James Brown say: This is a man’s world but it would be nothing without a woman……And yes this might be a man’s world at some point……

Allah (swt) mentions in the Holy Quran:

„Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth……” (4:34)

Allah created Hawa out of Adam’s rib. The ribs hold the chest together and protect the most important part of the body…..the heart. And what would be heart without a woman……?

My inspiration is Jannah but my motivation might be my wife. I feel that motivation from a special person in my life right now and I just pray that Allah gives me the best that I deserve…..

I want to be a teacher to my wife. I always want ask her opinion and ask her for advice…the same way our Prophet did it.

When our Prophet (pbuh) set the conditions about the contract of Hudaibiya, some companions of Rasoullalah (pbuh) have been concerned. So he went to his wife asked her about her opinion and followed her advice. Rasoullalh surely does not need to ask advice from anybody but by doing so, he showed all Muslim that it’s nothing wrong about talking serious issues with your wife and follow her advice.

I can see so much Baraka in this story of our beloved Prophet. This is the best way to treat my wife someday and this is also the best way to make her respect me.

I want to be a good teacher for her by just doing without asking for reward. I already will receive my reward from Allah (swt). And if I want to have a positive impact on my wife, I must start to change by myself first and foremost.

The reason everybody loved our Prophet so much is, because he always kept his word and let speak his actions instead of his word. He just speak if it was necessary or if Allah told him so.

So may Allah give me the strength to implement this beautiful behavior of Muhammad (pbuh) and make me to a good role model for my Family…..Amin


Such an easy word, but when it comes about to implement Sabr in times of extreme hardship…..it’s a whole different story.

Circumstances can be hard….like distance, fear of loss, family matters, love….but isn’t that the time it really matters to show patients!?

O you who believe! Seek assistance through patience and prayer; surely Allah is with the patient. (2:153)

Allah is with the patient means that just the patient will prevail. Half of our Deen is Sabr and the second half is gratitude to Allah Ta’Ala. Always when I can find a lack of Sabr within myself it’s because I try to change the condition of something.

Allah (swt) says: “For his sake there are angels following one another, before him and behind him, who guard him by Allah’s commandment; surely Allah does not change the condition of a people until they change their own condition; and when Allah intends evil to a people, there is no averting it, and besides Him they have no protector.”

I am not the one who can change anything. I know nothing and Allah knows everything. If my goal is to become a good husband I need to understand that in all aspects. The Sabr within your family and ur wife that is required will outweigh everything.

Our beloved Prophet said: “The condition of the believer is worthy of envy and admiration, because every state they are in is a cause of benefaction. Such a quality is unique to the believer: When they are delighted, they praise and this is a benefaction; when they suffer harm, they show patience and this is also a benefaction.”

I say I love,

No need to cry,

My sins are huge,

Potential of YOUR grace

My pain is big,

Sabr is the key,

The mercy of YOU,

Find Love from YOU

…Allah loves the patient. (3:146)


If I choose Istafa that means that I choose a choice that is purely my own without explanation and without any outside impact.

So Istafa is a choice without explanation. Allah (swt) did this by choosing the Prophets. We don’t know why Allah choose this or that Prophet from this or that tribe and Allah did not explain to us.

Ijtaba is a choice that is made of reasonable. Allah Ta’Ala did that by choosing Men to be the caretaker on earth. We maybe can’t understand the reason but Allah, because of Allah is Al Al’im.

I think that Allah bring me to Islam for a reason. I think that I am not worthy enough to be Allah Ta’Ala’s servant and I don’t struggle for Allah as Allah deserve it but Allah choose me to be part of this Ummah for a reason….Alhamdulillah.

I can find great example in the story of Ibrahim (as) and his wife Hajar. They had so much struggle together but never lost hope in Allah and his decision. Our beloved Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) also did not know why he was picked but Allah knows.

I must be grateful and honored to emulate the struggle of Ibrahim (as) and Muhammad (pbuh).

My Life always has been about having a choice and making my own decision. Sometimes Life is about making a decision based on Istafa or Ijtaba and move forward.

Fear of loss, uncertainty, hope……. sometimes interact with decision making. But to truly move forward I must let everything go. Hope is a concept just for Akhira. Hope maybe dies at last but it will die inevitable.

Hope is deeply connected with Motivation. Motivation may also die or change.

My Motivation lost the key to my heart….and now my Motivation is vanishing and I know I have to make Ijtaba to find a new one….


Muraqabatullah can be defined as the way to live Ikhlas. It means to live my life in sincerity and to be aware that Allah Ta’Ala always watch me.

Allah say: “….And not absent from your Lord is any [part] of an atom’s weight within the earth or within the heaven or [anything] smaller than that or greater but that it is in a clear register.” (10:61)

This is not but Your trial by which You send astray whom You will and guide whom You will.

“My punishment – I afflict with it whom I will, but My mercy encompasses all things.” (7:155/156)

When I do sin, my heart is full of pain. But this pain vanishes to quick. It should stay much longer and remind me every second when I am about to sin again, to stay away from it to seek seek forgiveness from Allah.

I read that very beautiful Hadith in which Muhammad (pbuh) say that the Angels spread their wings for the person who is seeking for knowledge and that everybody will be in the company with the people they loved as long as they make Tauba. This door to Jannah won’t be closed until the sun rises in the west.

This Hadith really give me hope to reach Jannah with my family in Akhira.

Ar-rumi considered the way of Muraqaba as a protect shield from bad emotions, thoughts, biases and actions. He saw this to be safest way to follow the the rights from Allah.

To live my life in selfcontrol I must always be self critical (muhasaba). The mechanism of muhasaba helps myself to reflect about my sins premature and to find arrangements to stay away from that sins.