Own Your Ramadhan

Ramadhan Mubarak

*insert mumbling of how hard it is to keep posting every week*

How is your Ramadhan going, guys? Alhamdulillah, it’s second day of Ramadhan for me, 7 more hours before Maghreb. I hope you all got the spirit that you needed to have a blast journey this month. And for those who are not celebrating, i wish you a very great summer!

This Ramadhan is very special for me, it’s my first Ramadhan as wife and i can’t be more grateful to Allah for the feeling of spending Ramadhan together as a family. Having a great partner to support you in a treasure hunting feels so great, so powerful and so amazing. Yes, for us Ramadhan is a month that hide so many treasure and we prepared to not miss any of it Insha Allah. The treasure that we wish to find out is a big leap that make us closer to Allah and Jannah, because we believe once that leap is achieved, we will be better person for ourselves and other human being.

Our preparations start by fully understood what is the great meaning behind Ramadhan and how it affect us as human being. From that we figure out our Vision, Mission and Goals in Ramadhan. I put down everything we agreed on the wall as a reminder (and decoration) for our Ramadhan spirit.

you should make one too! its fun!

you should make one too! its fun!

try to dechiper B's writing!

try to dechiper B’s writing!

While we were doing our preparation for our Ramadhan, i personally find a big answer for my gloomy heart. I was really worried that i will not spend this Ramadhan greatly because i am not in position which i can give a lot or share something to a lot of peoplem i was always thought that Ramadhan is always about giving out and doing good deeds. But Alhamdulillah, i got to watch Nouman Ali Khan (my favourite ustadz!!) sharing his routine on Ramadhan, and from him i realize that actually Ramadhan should be more individualistic. I cried so much when i finally understand that Ramadhan is supposed to be the month of getting closer to Allah and understand Qur’an more, i feel so relieved.

19 hours without food and drink is tough but alhamdulillah that Allah guarantee to put everyone at ease. Yesterday was my first taraweeh in Germany and i had to bike 5km to reach the masjid in the middle of the night, i thought i can’t make it and i would be super tired and grumpy but then when i reached home at 2 am i felt so happy, a little bit sleepy but not tired at all. I wasn’t much productive in my first day fasting, but insha Allah second day will comes better (i am writing a blog post today, see!)

Fasting in Germany indeed comes with quiet different (harder) obstacles (atleast for me as an Indonesian), the surrounding doesn’t really show the festive of Ramadhan, longer fasting time, silent Ramadhan night and i lost my appetite during Sahoor ( i was just eating muesli for sahoor instead of a plate of rice and chicken!). But i believe with a great obstacles comes even great reward, i really wish this Ramadhan would make me closer to Allah and Qur’an and turn me into the best version of myself. Amin.

first taraweeh!

first taraweeh!

Again, Ramadhan Mubarok everyone. What is your goal in this Ramadhan? For those who aren’t celebrating, i am curious, do you feel weird when you know that your colleague is fasting? What is your thought on Ramadhan?

PS: Brace yourself more Ramadhan and islamic post is coming X)

 

Love,

 

Azmi

 

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I am so grateful to meet you.

I will be 21 tomorrow and i somehow got my self scared. The feeling of getting older and not achieving my dream that i have been planned to fulfill before turning 20 haunted me; I haven’t cry yet. This weekend i got my self the closure that i need, i tried so much to surpass my uneasy feeling, pushed it hard by replacing it with the calmer side of myself – that i know it was exist before. The time has came for to me to stop my nomadic thought; to summarize and wrap separately all the things that i learned on my hitchhiking era. It’s time for me to get rid of the waste and rescue the forgotten.

But honestly i haven’t really figured the detail of my young adult closure, i just know that i have to be more mature. I had enough fun being an ignorant child and childish spouse; I should stop acting out. I am thankful for what i have done and for all the choices I’ve made, i believe everything happens for a reason that will make me happier someday. I believe i had my best days, i got the best experiences for me to learn and remember. Then,  I am sorry for myself, for not being and not trying to be the best version of myself. But there is no regret, cause i was fully aware for what i have done; i planned to laid back and try some stuffs. I figured things out, i learned so much about how naive and ignorant a person could be, i learned what is learning really means, I become braver than before, i know things more.

I am not bulletproofed yet, my life wasn’t going upside down; it was more like a roller coaster ride. But now i feel like i know what is one of the most important thing in life as a mature person; “one should always learn”. I figured that true learning means the journey to find the best truth to be applied in life, to be a better human being.

This is supposed to be a post about the things that i should be grateful from the past week, but i suddenly turn it into a ramble of so-called, soon-to-be an adult. Let me start put down my list now. In my young adult life i am so grateful to meet these people, they resonate the energy that i needed. I think i will make this post as a thank you and a sorry letter from me.

The Husband

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I sometimes think what if our path don’t cross, where would i be right now? How is myself doing?

So dear Bjoerni, I sorry cause some-when in our years together, i ever hurt you, i became selfish enough to just think about my own needs and my own problem. I am sorry for ever being so demanding and needy. I am sorry for being complicated and careless. I am sorry for not being grateful enough. I know you never need my sorry and i thank you for that. I basically thank you for everything. For your smile, for your surprise kiss, for a chicken sandwich, for the spoiled side of you. I always have anything that i should thank of  when i am with you (I think right now after married the most used phrase in our conversation is thank you (before was i miss you)). I specially thank you for the spirit that you bring to our family, the spirit of love and the willing to always strive for the better. I thank you for your love and i love you. I love you.

I love you so much B

The Parents

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I was hard to deal with it and i was assuming that they were not trying enough. And now i am glad to realize that they best parents that i could have, without them i couldn’t be where i am right now.

So Mom, Dad I am really sorry if i ever make both of you cried, worried and angry. I am sorry that i couldn’t make you both happy just yet. I am sorry that i never give so much. I am sorry, that i could not often reach out. I am sorry that i never able to say i love you enough. In this time where i couldn’t shake your hands after pray, i miss you both so much. And I thank you for the lessons that you make me learn, i thank you for years of raising me. I thank you for letting me go and believe in me.

I love you

I love you

I always remember you in every pray, even though i never say it nor express it.

The Inspiring Friends

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Cause every time i see you two in my Facebook timeline i always become more productive. They two both done so much for the youth, while i am being stagnant and ignorant trying to figure things out. I cried so much every time i read the card that Khuya Tobit has given to me because he describes me as the best version of myself, it reminds me so much about that person and i become sad because i can’t figure out how to be that kind of person sooner. It was always a great time having them somewhere around in my life, either in Vietnam or in Indonesia; the short time that we spend together really bound me to always try (at least having intention) to do more for the society. Thank you for all the conversation that we had. Thank you for being so great and so inspiring and so kind and so funny. Thank you for making me believe that somehow, one day i could run schools and established an international org like you two.

Oh my, suddenly it becomes a thousand words post, why can’t i write 500 words post?!

The Honorable Mention

Well, i also want to thank these following names that grace my life with dreams, hope and smile.

* Marsenia for became my big sis for good two years, thanks for showing me how nice a person could be and also thanks to remind me how important mother earth is. I miss you, really.

* Dilah for teaching me the true bond of family. It’s so sad that again we can’t celebrate our birthday together.

* Mokhamad Kusnan; the president of Youthcare Indonesia, thanks for asking me to dream bigger and to host me when i am homeless in Jakarta

* Ollie Salsabila; thanks for being so humble and having an inspiring lunch with me. I still can’t forget your words. I’ll contact you as soon as my dream is published XD

* Miftah; thank you for being so generous, i really do learn so much from you.

And for every one else who isn’t in the list, i also thank you for color my life with your beautiful soul and sorry that i couldn’t always keep contact with everybody, but deeply i always miss everyone that i know.

So that’s the end of my list, tell me about your list of the best person in your life.

Three Countries in One Step

After the thoughtful come-back post yesterday, today i will shower your timeline with many of latest trip. I think i want to begin with my experience going to three countries within 5 hours!

As you can guess, my trip didn’t include going to three different cities in three countries; it’s all in one step! As the westernmost city of Germany, Aachen is located along borders with Belgium and Netherlands. In the deep of Aachen’s forest, you can find the borders of these three countries in one location. The forest is located around 4 km from the city center, it is accessible with bus, car and bicycle -but you should walk few kilometers if you go with bus-. I’ve been there twice, once in a cold spring and the second one is when the sun is above my head!

First Trip

Björn asked me in one weekend to hike, ‘it’s just a small walk’ he said. I didn’t prepare anything and just let him pack some fruits and water, i heard that he was going to make some sandwich! I wasn’t a sporty person then, the idea of hiking scared me (i’m not exaggerating here!) i hated going out without any purpose. Going out for me meant to buy something or eat something or at least watch something. Björn convinced me with the reason of doing an activity – that he likes so much – together. At that time, he just want to go out for a hike, not knowing that there is this touristic place called Dreiländereck (Three Countries Point).

We then took the bus number 2 direction to Preuswald and stop in Waldschenke. I became so enthusiast when i looked at the map, because in fact the forest offer something touristy. I then asked him, if the Dreiländereck is walk able for me (means i will not faint or become cranky before i reach there), and he answered me with certain exclamation. He shouted to me to stop looking at the map and start walking. He said ‘let the force guide us’. (yes, we are a little geeky)

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We walked along the leafless tree, my favorite kind of tree that can’t hold any wind; sadly. I saved my hands inside my jacket, finger crossed, wishing for upcoming sunshine. Björn couldn’t stop looking around, he sought wild animal that might appears. People said Aachen Forest hold deer, wild badgers, foxes and martens. Instead of having a quick glance of a deer, he found a well polished walking stick for me.

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On one junction, we saw a lot of (old) people with a guide gathered in one spot. We got closer to them, listen the guide a bit and look at the the stone that possibly comes from Middle Ages. Björn later explain to me about The “Aachener Reich” , the territory of the former imperial city of Aachen, the Aix – la – Chapelle, the middle territory that bring peace in the whole Europe. This eagle stones marked the boundary of the Aachener Reich in the old times.

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We met with various kind hikers; one whole family, old couples, madly in love teens that can’t stop snogging. I heard French, and keep trying to differ Dutch and Deutsch along the way. After walking for one hour, finally we arrived to the Dreiländereck and suddenly i received various SMS for roaming info. The place was fulled by tourist, a lot of cars parked by the tower, chairs spread out of the cafe. Everybody was taking picture with/of one single stones with Belgium, Netherlands and Germany flags are around. I consider myself wasn’t a tourist, so i don’t really find the needs to take picture there. I prefer  to show you mark of Eurogio, which is the mark of German-Dutch communal association that composed of 130 cities, municipalities and counties from the Münsterland region to the south-western Lower Saxony and the eastern Netherlands. There should be waving flags of three countries as well, but the wind didn’t support me no matter how hard i tried.

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Second Trip

After i convinced on how beautiful Aachener Wald is, i agreed to do the second trip to Dreiländereck without bus. I already knew that the forest is quiet far from my home, but then i somehow believed that cycling will make it easier. The weather was great, sunshine with enough wind. I need thirty minutes to cycle 7km until i arrive somewhere in Preuswald. It really didn’t feel that long. We then locked our bikes somewhere around the corner, prayed that no body gonna steal them. The forest looked more forest-y this time, so much green so much heat. I could heard mosquitoes and flies flying around, i could smell horse dung, i saw it everywhere. Bjoern even saw a snake; his first snake in German’s forest. Various birds, eagles are flying over us. We walked in the middle of half harvested rapeseed field, while the air sounds like children cheers.

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I thank Björn so much for introducing me to the beauty of nature, while the tree dancing sincerely with the wind. No shame, no interruption. In this mother nature, the best entertainment is when the bush gone wild hiding a squirrel or wild rabbit. The great painting is a pile of white flower in between damp ground and savage grass. And everything is constantly changing.

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I was lucky this time, i could witnessed a family of pony having a break under the shade.

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Along Way Home

The best thing about mother nature is you wouldn’t know what will you get until you arrive in the present. In our first trip we came back home, walking through a farm that host plenty of cows and horses. And to top it, a railway goes over it. But then a horse waited us in the edge, sadly we finish our carrot for lunch and we only feed him our last apple. I couldn’t stop praising God, when the beauty of everything just lay out in front of me.

I got chance to blow a dandellon, after coming back from Dreiländereck for the second time. I didn’t wish anything, but the beauty of flying floret in the air awe so much. There is this free and relieved feeling when i see the floret being scattered in the air. It shows me so much about chances, hopes that are always presence even though it is scattered.

What is your latest experience with Mother Nature?

Have a great day, don’t forget to take five 🙂

May Brainstorming

Oh my poor little blog, after dozens of posts in one month i just abandoned this blog for another month.

And here i am making a come back post! But this isn’t apology post, nor a post to give out promises that i will blogging everyday in this month; this is figuring things out kinda post (that’s how you supposed to make a come back right?). My May was hectic; it’s not that i am busy doing something, but i was busy figuring things out! Nothing that i planned is finished, but then (for my comfort) i keep telling my self everything will be done this month. I believe on this month not just because June is my birth month, but June is also Ramadhan and summer!!!More sunshine means more productivity (and less sleep), isn’t it? I believe this month will shower me extra energy that i needed.

Btw, here i give you a peak of storms in my brain last month.

The Social Media

I really think a lot of my social media platforms, before i dump those ideas and just post whatever and wherever i like until i finally realize i should not wasting my time in social media without having any purpose! At that time hopping on and off from one media to another, i find the silver lining that people really have their own personal liking and tend to stay on one platform. But that’s not me, i can’t choose. I’m never able to. I am an all-or-nothing kinda person. If you have no idea what kind of person i am, this video could help you out.

I thank you Buzzfeed for this video, it comforts me so much to see that some people are also like me and that’s make me not the only weirdo among 7 billion people in this world! This kind of personality also explain the idea why i didn’t post anything last month and why sometimes i can write 5 chapters straight and not write anything until the next year. Yeah you can call it undisciplined.

The idea is that i will use all social media platforms that i already have! And that is plenty, as you can see i have 6 platforms, plus ask. fm and i just have to link everything thoughtfully so i don’t have to waste much time to post everything in every platform and yet my social media still live! And yaaaaaas, i will have vlog! 😉

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The Enigma of Languages 

Another thing that concern me also about languages that i will use in my social media, somehow my target audience are Indonesian, but yet i couldn’t help myself to just keep writing in English (i just want to keep practicing my English and my husband really keen to read my blogs and my poetry). I write seriously (in purpose to be published) in Bahasa tho, but then i lack of Indonesian literature (most of my Indonesia books (which are so little) are in English!) and i don’t know where to buy Indonesian e-books (Google store doesn’t have what i need, help me anyone!!). Argh so confusing really, but then i think like i will write everything in English for the larger range of audience and i will post my vlog in Bahasa with English translation (due to the lack of Indonesian vlog)! Hope it will work!

Still about language, i really concern to improve my English writing skills but i don’t know how. Is there any idea for an online class or any website to visit?

Wife Life

This month, I also thought about how to manage the household while being a student and i am amazed by the fact that there’s so much for me to learn. I am really glad that i have the best husband that just support me and being patient most of the time. Long before i marry, i thought that always being myself is the best thing one can do in life. But now finally i figure, it’s not about being one true self, but it is about being the best of one self. I am really glad that our goal as husband and wife are not being the perfect couple of the year but learning to bring the best of each other every day. There are lots of things to compromise, we figure out together which personality is good and which one needs to be reduce. It feels so hard sometimes, i mean i don’t want my husband to be another authoritative figure in my life, i have my parents for that in years! But then i realize that being a better person is our marriage goal, to keep learning forever until we both reach an eternity of tranquility.

This brainstorming really helps me to plan everything realistically, to understand that i am still not figuring things out correctly, to accept that it’s okay to keep changing, to see one goal by it’s process not the result, to be patient, to be grateful, to see surrealist point of view while being a realist, to be okay when things gone wrong, to be a feminist and a great wife in the same time. Things may not be all done for me last month, but then i am happy, i love myself in another level kind of love. It was May, after all, whatever happens in May always stay wonder.

don't foget to eat ice cream, you guys!!!!

don’t foget to eat ice cream, you guys!!!!

To be a Wife

To be a wife is
to smile
to learn
to watch
to understand

     Sometimes
to cook
to clean
to caress
to satisfy
to devote

As a Queen, wife should rule
As a Cook, wife should give a good food
As a Mother, wife should be careful
As a Partner, wife should understood

    To be a wife is
to love

     To be a great wife is
to be loved
to be happy
to be herself

Can’t believe I am writing three poetry in less than two hours. So prompt 20 is about write something general, something basic. And here I am, write what I know about being a wife in four months.

Poet’s Confession

If poetry doesn’t make me feel safe and free,
I always take a walk or do the eating spree

If poetry can’t listen and behaving badly,
I read between lines in dictionary

If poetry makes me anxious of things,
I’d rather walk away, left it unfinished

Napowrimo prompt 19 is to write Afghan style poetry, landay! Landays are 22-syllable couplets that generally rhyming.

It’s so easy and fun to write landays,
You should try!

Origin of Mankind

In the name of Allah
Most Gracious
Most Merciful

Verily We created man from a product of wet earth;
then placed him as a drop(of seed) in a safe lodging;
then We fashioned the drop into a clot, then We fashioned the clot into a little lump,
then We fashioned the little lump into bones,
then clothed the bones with flesh, and then produced it another creation.


then does he get you out (into the light) as a child:
then lets you (grow and) reach your age of full strength;
then lets you become old,-
though of you there are some who die before;-
and lets you reach a term appointed; in order that you may learn wisdom

And those who strive in Our (Cause)
We will certainly guide them to Our Paths: for verily Allah is with those who do right

We showed him the Way:
whether he be grateful or ungrateful
(rests on his will).

Say:
Shall I give you glad tidings of things
Far better than those?
For the righteous are Gardens
in nearness to their Lord

Napowrimo prompt 18 is about urgent journey and important message. I can’t think about most beautiful journey in my life other than the time when I just born and entering the world. To deliver experience in that matter, I try to write in God’s point of view as the one who give me order to live and continue the journey. And the best way to write God’s words is write His words literally. So here I am gathering verses in Quran about human creation and it’s purpose, to turn them into poetry.

I am amazed how beautifully written the Quran is.

Here are the surah and the verse that I take to make this poetry.
[23:12-14]
[40:67]
[29:69]
[76:3]
[3:15]