In Need to Love Writing

my writing table

my writing table

As you can see from my previous post, you know that I never doing well with productivity or routine. Last July, I did most of things that I planned, except blogging, learning Arabic and watching TED video. This July was the month where I got stuck to rewrite my novel. At first, i thought that I will just edit it fast and voila my novel is finished, but infact the story that I wrote years ago doesn’t resonate me anymore. The words in my head change as I read more and my belief went to a long searching journey. I put all my efforts to rewrite the voice of my character. I cut almost half of each chapter, and write it again. A that time i really wonder whether this rewriting idea is a noob trial or an act of professionalism, but my mind got stuck on the first one. I am a total amateur.

I thought I could start blogging again on August, but then my German course take five of my productive hours, i was too overwhelmed with the new routine and i still hadn’t finished my re-writing process, so yeah, I found another excuse to not blogging. And let’s talk about September, the most productive time of my life ever (in terms of writing). I finally edited my 200 pages novel for like three times until I didn’t realize that month is already change. Editing process brought me up to the whole new layer of writing-reading experience that I never know before. I even didn’t know when to stop editing, i enjoy it so much so my productivity stucked in putting detail and thinking about the relevancy of my story. Somehow around that month, I also manage to get the whole concept of my second book, which is a non-fiction pile of essay kinda book. Huff can’t wait to finish the first chapter and show it to my first reader.

I also manage to read a ton of new book. I ordered five new Indonesian book and a friend of mine crazily throw me three books to read since last month. There are just much of it.

the first one is just a pencil case y'all

the first one is just a pencil case y’all

I try so much to engage within books on October, so i pushed my self to go to a one day trip to Frankfurt Book Festival, thinking that i need some recharge from this bibpliophile’s heaven. But not really, Frankfurt Buch Messe isn’t for bibliophile and definitely not to be visited for one day. It’s just tons of book end up together in one enormous place. From that i know, bibliophile’s heaven is in the little sofa nearby their book rack.

If one thing that i got from Frankfurt Buch Messe is the chance to have 10 minutes sitting with Tere Liye. There he reminded me of one thing that i really need to learn. He told me to love writing.

Tere Liye offers all comfort book that i need, his books are the books that i will go read whenever i am tired reading too thick book or too complicated one. He gives a good amount of excitement in every book he writes, and man he writes a lot. His writing won’t give you crazy chill or five hours sobbing but it touches, tickles and break your heart in a distinct motion separately. So when i got the chance to talk to him, of course i asked him about his writing style. But surprisingly, he is so pragmatic, he asked me to turn the table, tear down all the theories that i know and to just write. Oh isn’t it what something that someone who always over thinking everything need to hear?

He pointed out that i haven’t love writing yet after i uttered my problem with continuity of writing (yeah he is a pretty straightforward person! kind of shock of that but i should have guessed from his facebook posts tho!). I know that he is right, in fact i love the brainstorming process more than the writing process itself. I have pages of writing ideas that never got executed. Damn girl, i told my self at that time, i have to learn how to love writing!

For him, there is no excuse to not writing everyday for someone who loves writing. Writing for him is also a healing process of cracked soul, that’s why it is so powerful to love it and to do it everyday. I couldn’t agree more, i’ve heard this word before, long ago from 2012 when i heard Asma Nadia giving presentation in Malaysia. I experienced writing as a healing process whenever i feel so low, most of the time i write poetry, because it doesn’t have boundary to utter my deepest dark feeling. But often i don’t write and just  prefer to read books so i can forget my sad mind.

I love reading that’s i know for sure, and since i have a current donatur (a.k.a B) to buy me every book that i want my love is grow crazier. Everyday i read, everywhere, i just can’t not holding a book in a day. And oh man, i want to experience the same feeling with writing, i want to get addicted to writing. Tere Liye said, “Azmi listen to me, write everyday 1000 words for 180 days, never stop and try to always achieve your goal, write anything, everything and once you skipped repeat again from day 1. After 6 months, insha Allah you’ll find your love in writing and feel healed.”

After i met him, the book fair isn’t really important any more, there is no book in Bahasa Indonesia to buy and there is no other author that i want to talk to. Actually, Eka Kurniawan was there but he was going around seeing the booth around, and i don’t want to creep him out to asking him sitting with me (but now when i think about it, i should have just creep him out anyway, duh! like if John Green was disguised in there somewhere i totally will creep him out by buying him a coffee for a 10 minutes talk with him). The thing is, i already hear what i need to hear. So, i spent the rest of the day, laying down in the middle of Indonesia Pavillion, reading Pram’s book about Calon Arang, since that’s the thinnest book from Pram, that i thought i could finish reading it before my train is coming. As i lay down in the children section and looking at the fantastic artificial garden on the ceiling, i can’t stop thinking about the smell of free rendang whether or not i could ever complete my #180daysofwriting or should i call it #1000wordsfor180days #amwriting #noob #amateurwriter #aspringwriter.

For at least 40 days, i already have plan. Nanowrimo or National Novel Writing Month starts next month and a friend of mine (who are an author of 5 books) challenged me to do #30DWC (30 Days Writing Challange) since three days ago! I don’t know what will happen to the other 140 days though, but all i know i will fight for my love for writing. Wish me luck guys, if you also want to challange yourself in writing go check out Rezky’s challange and Nanowrimo.

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I must… I must also listen to the muttered voice telling me of the past the days to come…. Kartini

With Love,

Azmi

I am so grateful to meet you.

I will be 21 tomorrow and i somehow got my self scared. The feeling of getting older and not achieving my dream that i have been planned to fulfill before turning 20 haunted me; I haven’t cry yet. This weekend i got my self the closure that i need, i tried so much to surpass my uneasy feeling, pushed it hard by replacing it with the calmer side of myself – that i know it was exist before. The time has came for to me to stop my nomadic thought; to summarize and wrap separately all the things that i learned on my hitchhiking era. It’s time for me to get rid of the waste and rescue the forgotten.

But honestly i haven’t really figured the detail of my young adult closure, i just know that i have to be more mature. I had enough fun being an ignorant child and childish spouse; I should stop acting out. I am thankful for what i have done and for all the choices I’ve made, i believe everything happens for a reason that will make me happier someday. I believe i had my best days, i got the best experiences for me to learn and remember. Then,  I am sorry for myself, for not being and not trying to be the best version of myself. But there is no regret, cause i was fully aware for what i have done; i planned to laid back and try some stuffs. I figured things out, i learned so much about how naive and ignorant a person could be, i learned what is learning really means, I become braver than before, i know things more.

I am not bulletproofed yet, my life wasn’t going upside down; it was more like a roller coaster ride. But now i feel like i know what is one of the most important thing in life as a mature person; “one should always learn”. I figured that true learning means the journey to find the best truth to be applied in life, to be a better human being.

This is supposed to be a post about the things that i should be grateful from the past week, but i suddenly turn it into a ramble of so-called, soon-to-be an adult. Let me start put down my list now. In my young adult life i am so grateful to meet these people, they resonate the energy that i needed. I think i will make this post as a thank you and a sorry letter from me.

The Husband

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I sometimes think what if our path don’t cross, where would i be right now? How is myself doing?

So dear Bjoerni, I sorry cause some-when in our years together, i ever hurt you, i became selfish enough to just think about my own needs and my own problem. I am sorry for ever being so demanding and needy. I am sorry for being complicated and careless. I am sorry for not being grateful enough. I know you never need my sorry and i thank you for that. I basically thank you for everything. For your smile, for your surprise kiss, for a chicken sandwich, for the spoiled side of you. I always have anything that i should thank of  when i am with you (I think right now after married the most used phrase in our conversation is thank you (before was i miss you)). I specially thank you for the spirit that you bring to our family, the spirit of love and the willing to always strive for the better. I thank you for your love and i love you. I love you.

I love you so much B

The Parents

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I was hard to deal with it and i was assuming that they were not trying enough. And now i am glad to realize that they best parents that i could have, without them i couldn’t be where i am right now.

So Mom, Dad I am really sorry if i ever make both of you cried, worried and angry. I am sorry that i couldn’t make you both happy just yet. I am sorry that i never give so much. I am sorry, that i could not often reach out. I am sorry that i never able to say i love you enough. In this time where i couldn’t shake your hands after pray, i miss you both so much. And I thank you for the lessons that you make me learn, i thank you for years of raising me. I thank you for letting me go and believe in me.

I love you

I love you

I always remember you in every pray, even though i never say it nor express it.

The Inspiring Friends

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Cause every time i see you two in my Facebook timeline i always become more productive. They two both done so much for the youth, while i am being stagnant and ignorant trying to figure things out. I cried so much every time i read the card that Khuya Tobit has given to me because he describes me as the best version of myself, it reminds me so much about that person and i become sad because i can’t figure out how to be that kind of person sooner. It was always a great time having them somewhere around in my life, either in Vietnam or in Indonesia; the short time that we spend together really bound me to always try (at least having intention) to do more for the society. Thank you for all the conversation that we had. Thank you for being so great and so inspiring and so kind and so funny. Thank you for making me believe that somehow, one day i could run schools and established an international org like you two.

Oh my, suddenly it becomes a thousand words post, why can’t i write 500 words post?!

The Honorable Mention

Well, i also want to thank these following names that grace my life with dreams, hope and smile.

* Marsenia for became my big sis for good two years, thanks for showing me how nice a person could be and also thanks to remind me how important mother earth is. I miss you, really.

* Dilah for teaching me the true bond of family. It’s so sad that again we can’t celebrate our birthday together.

* Mokhamad Kusnan; the president of Youthcare Indonesia, thanks for asking me to dream bigger and to host me when i am homeless in Jakarta

* Ollie Salsabila; thanks for being so humble and having an inspiring lunch with me. I still can’t forget your words. I’ll contact you as soon as my dream is published XD

* Miftah; thank you for being so generous, i really do learn so much from you.

And for every one else who isn’t in the list, i also thank you for color my life with your beautiful soul and sorry that i couldn’t always keep contact with everybody, but deeply i always miss everyone that i know.

So that’s the end of my list, tell me about your list of the best person in your life.

May Brainstorming

Oh my poor little blog, after dozens of posts in one month i just abandoned this blog for another month.

And here i am making a come back post! But this isn’t apology post, nor a post to give out promises that i will blogging everyday in this month; this is figuring things out kinda post (that’s how you supposed to make a come back right?). My May was hectic; it’s not that i am busy doing something, but i was busy figuring things out! Nothing that i planned is finished, but then (for my comfort) i keep telling my self everything will be done this month. I believe on this month not just because June is my birth month, but June is also Ramadhan and summer!!!More sunshine means more productivity (and less sleep), isn’t it? I believe this month will shower me extra energy that i needed.

Btw, here i give you a peak of storms in my brain last month.

The Social Media

I really think a lot of my social media platforms, before i dump those ideas and just post whatever and wherever i like until i finally realize i should not wasting my time in social media without having any purpose! At that time hopping on and off from one media to another, i find the silver lining that people really have their own personal liking and tend to stay on one platform. But that’s not me, i can’t choose. I’m never able to. I am an all-or-nothing kinda person. If you have no idea what kind of person i am, this video could help you out.

I thank you Buzzfeed for this video, it comforts me so much to see that some people are also like me and that’s make me not the only weirdo among 7 billion people in this world! This kind of personality also explain the idea why i didn’t post anything last month and why sometimes i can write 5 chapters straight and not write anything until the next year. Yeah you can call it undisciplined.

The idea is that i will use all social media platforms that i already have! And that is plenty, as you can see i have 6 platforms, plus ask. fm and i just have to link everything thoughtfully so i don’t have to waste much time to post everything in every platform and yet my social media still live! And yaaaaaas, i will have vlog! 😉

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The Enigma of Languages 

Another thing that concern me also about languages that i will use in my social media, somehow my target audience are Indonesian, but yet i couldn’t help myself to just keep writing in English (i just want to keep practicing my English and my husband really keen to read my blogs and my poetry). I write seriously (in purpose to be published) in Bahasa tho, but then i lack of Indonesian literature (most of my Indonesia books (which are so little) are in English!) and i don’t know where to buy Indonesian e-books (Google store doesn’t have what i need, help me anyone!!). Argh so confusing really, but then i think like i will write everything in English for the larger range of audience and i will post my vlog in Bahasa with English translation (due to the lack of Indonesian vlog)! Hope it will work!

Still about language, i really concern to improve my English writing skills but i don’t know how. Is there any idea for an online class or any website to visit?

Wife Life

This month, I also thought about how to manage the household while being a student and i am amazed by the fact that there’s so much for me to learn. I am really glad that i have the best husband that just support me and being patient most of the time. Long before i marry, i thought that always being myself is the best thing one can do in life. But now finally i figure, it’s not about being one true self, but it is about being the best of one self. I am really glad that our goal as husband and wife are not being the perfect couple of the year but learning to bring the best of each other every day. There are lots of things to compromise, we figure out together which personality is good and which one needs to be reduce. It feels so hard sometimes, i mean i don’t want my husband to be another authoritative figure in my life, i have my parents for that in years! But then i realize that being a better person is our marriage goal, to keep learning forever until we both reach an eternity of tranquility.

This brainstorming really helps me to plan everything realistically, to understand that i am still not figuring things out correctly, to accept that it’s okay to keep changing, to see one goal by it’s process not the result, to be patient, to be grateful, to see surrealist point of view while being a realist, to be okay when things gone wrong, to be a feminist and a great wife in the same time. Things may not be all done for me last month, but then i am happy, i love myself in another level kind of love. It was May, after all, whatever happens in May always stay wonder.

don't foget to eat ice cream, you guys!!!!

don’t foget to eat ice cream, you guys!!!!

Bersandar pada Katamu

iya,
tersungkur mengingatmu
dalam jarak goresan pena dan kertas
puisi ini memang cuma kamu

bukan,
sebaik ada lintasan hati mengingat
tak ada niat
remah-remah memori terjaga dan menjaga
menetap dan tak pernah luruh
dalam semua kontra

sedap,
wangi masih melingkupi
dini gemerisik dari semua kata pasif
menggores liar dalam bingkai sebuah imagi
karam kelam, ia
memimpikan asa
sebuah pelukan

lega,
meraup kehadiran bisu
jiwa dan senyummu

What this (last) year have taught you?

 

 

Kalimat ini menjadi judul di catatan pemimpin redeaksi Majalah CLEO edisi Desember 2012. Jeder.. ga biasanya sih begitu buka majalah tetiba berhenti di bagian tulisan pemred. Tapi begitu liat judul ini rasanya diri saya langsung membeku. Tiba-tiba ada rasa takut yang datang. Setelah saya cek lagi kenapa ada rasa ini. Ternyata saya takut tidak menjawab pertanyaan di atas dengan baik. Saya terdiam, berusaha menenangkan pikiran. Menahan tangisan, ingin melanjutkan pemikiran saya melalui tulisan saja. Agar saya ingat. Dan akhirnya datanglah saat ini. Di starbucks The Mines dekat kampus saya, di kursi merah yang sama, dengan minuman yang lebih pahit. Saya ingin meneliti kembali hari-hari yang terlangkahi. Melalui wangi.

***

Rencananya saya ingin mencium lagi bau awal Januari sekarang ini. Tapi tidak, saya takut menghirup masa itu. Karna dengan mengingat Januari, tarikan nafas saya berhenti, mencoba untuk berbalik lari. Setidaknya, wangi februari lah membuat saya bertahan, aroma baru yang sangat kuat, aroma yang aneh bagi jiwa saya. Wangi yang tepat sebelum saya menghirup wangi di bulan maret. Kawan,Maret  berbau seperti bau duri bunga mawar merah, menghirupnya seperti menghirup fatamorgana keindahan. Susah untuk membedakan realita dan fana disana. Tapi setidaknya dengan menghirupnya, nikmat pun masih bisa dikecap, meski sekejap.

Ah ternyata saya baru ingat, saya memulai awal tahun ini dengan berat. Dengan ketiadaan, dengan ketidaktepatan, dengan kesalahan tahun sebelumnya. Jika di fikir ulang, SESAL adalah pelajaran pertama dari tahun ini. Caturwulan pertama saya habiskan untuk menyesali sambil meyakinkan diri, kalau seburuk apapun saya, saya akan bisa bangkit lagi. Meski saya sudah sering jatuh, sesal meyakinkan saya untuk tidak jatuh lebih banyak lagi, at least mencoba untuk tidak. Sesal membawa saya jauh lebih dekat dengan Allah. Karna dengan sesal, saya terus saja memohon ampun kepadaNya.

Karna diantara sesal, juga terselip keputusasaan, maka saat itu juga saya semakin gencar untuk menuntut pertolongan.

Saat bertemu bulan April, saya mulai bisa menikmati rasa nyaman. Jika dikomparasikan dengan warna,April adalah Red, Accent 2, Lighter 80%. Dan bulan May lebih jelas dari pada bulan April, dia adalah Red, Accent 2, Lighter 40%. Saya menyukai warna ini seperti saya menyukai bulan May. Jika dibandingkan dengan rasa, April adalah rasa segar saat kamu meminum orange juice di hari yang panas, sementara May adalah rasa nikmat saat kamu memakan redvelvet cupcake dengan chocolate ganache di atasnya. Oh ya dan Juni, uhm jika warna ia adalah Aqua accent 5, lighter 40%. Dan kamu bisa mencicipi Juni saya, saat kamu makan durian.

Pelajaran di catur wulan kedua adalah pelajaran tentang bahagia. Tentang syukur sih. Bagaimana takdir yang sebelumnya adalah benang-benang terpisah, sekarang berkolabarasi menjadi satu sulaman yang indah. Sulaman yang akan dipajang sepanjang nafas saya masih ada. Sulaman yang entah terjaga atau tidak nantinya. Sulaman itu berceritakan tentang perayaan cinta.

PS: Tulisan ini dibuat awal Januari 2013 bercerita tentang Januari 2012 sampai Juni 2012. Kalau mood sudah hinggap. Catatan Caturwulan saya, akan dilanjutkan. ^^

Be Fierce,

Azmi

Kata dan Rasa

Entah pada kau

Atau pada hati kata hati yang kau punya

Entah pada kau

Atau sembari senyum yang menyapa

 

Aku mengurat rasa

Berjelaga dalam jiwa

Berupaya menata dan membereskan suka

Berkeras menahan rasa cinta

 

Bisakah kamu padaku sampai revolusi bersandar

Bolehkah aku padanya saat dunia baru memutar

Akankah kamu menghela saat kita bersama

 

Sudahlah,

 

Untuk segala bincang

Kamu yang ternyaman

.

So I Think I Can Dance

Ini adalah experiment menyenangkan yang saya lakukan saat berumur 18 tahun. MENARI. Sebelumnya, saat saya menonton So You Think You Can Dance di TV, saya fikir saya tidak akan pernah bisa perform menari di depan umum. Alasannya banyak, baju yang terlalu ketat saat menari, takut kena sentuhan yang berlebihan dengan lawan jenis, dan yang pasti saya yakin ga akan ada yang mau mengajak saya menari karena badan saya kaku begini. Padahal, saat mereka menayangkan National Dance Day (flash mob di beberapa Negara bagian di US) bulu roma saya naik, karena mereka bisa sangat happy dengan dance. Saya juga pengen nge-dance, teriak hati saya saat itu. Karena tujuan ngedance sendiri adalah, move yourself till you are healthy and happy. Saya pengen nari, saya teriak lagi.
Dulu pikiran saya masih terlalu sempit, menganggap dance adalah sarana mempertontonkan lekuk badan dengan melakukan gerakan seksi luar biasa. Totally wrong, bahkan saya menangis saat menonton beberapa performance di So You Think You Can Dance. Travis Wall adalah penyebab utamanya. Diiring lagu Fix You nya Coldplay, Om Travis membuat koreografi berdasarkan cintanya pada ibunya, niat tulusnya membantu sang ibu untuk sembuh dari kanker payudara. Sang ibu menangis, tahu betapa besar cinta anaknya. Juri memberikan standing ovation. Dua penari menahan sesak. Para ibu dari mereka pun mengelap air mata. Penonton terdiam. Saya memendam muka saya dalam bantal. Tariannya dan beberapa koreografer lainnya begitu nyata untuk menjadi rangkuman satu momen kehidupan. Jadilah bertambah lagi manfaat menari sebagai seni, tarian bisa bercerita dan mengajari.

Akhirnya Saya Menari Juga
Ajang Unjuk Budaya adalah alasan saya menari di depan panggung untuk pertama kalinya saat usia remaja, dan saat itu masih terpaksa. Karena mengikuti Olimpiade Ilmu Sosial yang diselenggarakan Universiti Indonesia, salah satu kompetisi didalamnya yah unjuk budaya. Kami memilih untuk menari Dayak. Karena menari bukan fokus kami, jadi yah latihan dua minggu doang, bajunya pinjam dari guru kesenian, dan hasilnya saya salah arah waktu menari, dan kami tidak dapat hasil yang memuaskan.
Pengalaman menari yang kedua juga masih setengah terpaksa, tapi kali ini dicampur dengan setengah PD yang luar biasa. Cultural show yang diselenggarakan oleh AIESEC UPM adalah alasannya. Atas nama PPI(Persatuan Pelajar Indonesia) UPM, kita diundang untuk tampil di opening acara tersebut. Acara utamanya sendiri adalah lomba peragaan busana internasional gitu. Tim Indonesia sendiri mengirimkan 3 pasangan. Hebat kan? Tarian kami sukses, lumayan, saya sendiri sih ga ada gerakan yang salah. Saat itu, kami juga menarikan tarian Dayak di awal dan ditutup dengan Sajojo bersama 20 puluh orang kawan kawan Indonesia lainnya. Menyenangkan. 

Kompetisi Tari
Tadaa, momen menari saya yang paling spektakuler (yang ketiga) datang ketika saya cuma mau menemani teman untuk ikut rapat acara tersebut. Tapi saat rapat, otak saya yang agak nyeleneh ini malah bilang “I’m in”. Tidak terencana, saya memarahi mulut saya dengan bahagia karena dia membiarkan saya memasuki satu zona berbeda di kehidupan saya. Rasional kok, tarian ini tari melayu, bajunya pasti ga aneh aneh, gerakannya lembut dan tidak berlebihan, dan saya bisa belajar untuk tidak menjadi kaku.

ini foto untuk website UPM ISA maksa, padahal anggota belum ada semua :)

ini foto untuk website UPM ISA maksa, padahal anggota belum ada semua 🙂

Tim kami beranggotakan 19 orang, 15 orang penari, 1 penanri cadangan, 1 pelatih, 2 penonton setia. Jika dijabarkan sesuai dengan negaranya maka tim kami berasal dari 7 negara. Dari Indonesia ada saya, Ka Senia, Ka Gita dan Ka Teguh. Dari Singapura ada Ka Ziha, dari Pakistan ada Kaisar, dan dari Iraq ada Daddy Zaid. Dari China ada Peter dan Dr. Huang. Yang paling banyak adalah dari Iran (secara mahasiswa international di kampus saya kan paling banyak dari Iran ) ada Dadash Sina, Dadash Yashar, Ali, Elisa, Abjii Laleh, Abjii Roya dan Shadi. Dan tidak lupa, ada kak Huda sebagai penari handal tim kita, Mommy yang selalu setia dan abang Arif  Nazrey pelatih dari Aswara; mereka ketiganya berkewarganegaraan Malaysia.
Tim ini dibentuk oleh UPM ISA (International Student Association) dalam rangka undangan kompetisi 1 World Culture dari Nilai University. Saat itu Peter sebagai Head of Art and Cultural Committee mencari mahasiswa internasional UPM yang berminat untuk ikut kompetisi ini hanya via facebook. Hebatlah dapat 15 orang yang mau menari itu dalam waktu singkat, secara UPM ISA adalah organisasi yang didominasi para Master dan Phd student yang notabene mau ke universitas untuk belajar. Oh iya, saya lupa untuk menyebutkan dengan bangga, di tim kami ada tiga orang Phd student yaitu Daddy, Ali dan Dr. Huang. Saluut banget buat mereka yang over 30 years old tapi masih mau bergerak, dan tidak malu untuk belajar budaya lain, serta masih fokus untuk belajar. Sementara selain saya dan Kak Ziha, yang lainnya adalah master student ada yang masih lagi nulis tesis, ngambil kelas bejibun, lagi ada labwork tapi tetap semangat buat nari dan membawa nama universitas.

fitting baju, tapi bukan baju ini yang dipake

fitting baju, tapi bukan baju ini yang dipake

snack berat 2 hari sebelum lomba.. Double cheese burger!! free!!

snack berat 2 hari sebelum lomba.. Double cheese burger!! free!!

Drama international banyak dijumpai saat saya belajar ngedance ini. Mulai dari drama mencari tambahan satu Malaysian citizen untuk ikut nari bareng kami (karena itu requirement kompetisinya) sampai drama teriak teriakan karena tidak adanya kepemimpinan dalam grup ini. Peter sih yang harusnya memimpin, tapi karena background dia sebagai guru jadi dia lebih kalem dan mendengarkan saran semua orang yang hasilnya kita jadi bingung penuh dengan ketidakpastian karena dia bilang yes sama semua orang. Should I put this dance drama to another post? Hell yes!!

try to figure out how to play with this skirt

try to figure out how to play with this skirt

Lanjut yah, setelah melewati drama dan latihan yang membuat paha kram. Tibalah kami di hari kompetisi. Nomor urut 12 dari 15 peserta. Sesampainya di Nilai University, kami langsung registrasi dan sarapan. Setelah itu abang Arif meminta kita, tidak melihat competitor lain, secara kita yang newbie jadinya gampang rendah diri yang menjadikan kita galau yang selanjutnya membuat kita nervous lalu ga sanggup mengingat gerakan gerakan yang ada. Jadilah kita membajak satu ruangan di daerah agak terpisah dari tempat acara untuk di make-up. MAKE-UP!!!!

 

sayah dan kak liliiii dan perlengkapan make-up.. oh yaa

sayah dan kak liliiii dan perlengkapan make-up.. oh yaa

Make-up adalah hal yang sangat baru bagi saya yang sebelumnya malas untuk belajar menjadi wanita. Jadilah saat itu, saya yang merengek rengek untuk di make-up yang pertama. Satu orang membutuhkan 30 menit untuk dapat full make-up. Saya sampai sekarang masih kurang aware apa saja yang dipakaikan ke wajah saya, intinya lengkap dah. Di 30 menit yang menegangkan itu, saya was was akan jadi apa muka saya. Yah setelah melihat cermin, kalimat pertama yang saya bilang adalah “Wah, ternyata kalau di make-up saya bisa cantik juga” saya terharu. Setidaknya saya sudah bisa membayangkan kalau wedding saya tidak jelek jelek amat. Lega.

 

 

 

Sepertinya 800 kata sudah saya habiskan untuk post satu ini, jadi supaya kalian tidak kepanjangan membacanya saya lanjutkan di post lainnya yah untuk cerita tiga, TIGA penampilan kami di tiga event berbeda. Akhir kata,

not so bad, kaaan?

not so bad, kaaan?

Be fierce,

Azmi