On My Attempt to Have a Routine

For some people, routine is what makes them alive, some others will do everything to avoid one.

I am the some others, routine isn’t in my comfort zone. Contrary to what most people believe as a hard thing to do, trying new things is my favorite. So yeah, it’s hard for me to do one thing continuously, even for love i was the kind of person who is easy to love and easy to forget someone (until i find B, of course!) I always needed a break or a distraction, sometimes i switch task, move to another place or procrastinate. I try multitasking too hard until i often fails because i lose my focus. In the old times, i kept saying to my dad whom always remind me to focus on one thing at a time that i can’t focus on one thing! But in fact, focus on several others is even harder.

I realize now, when i live on my own household, i need routine. I can’t be the girl who always do things impulsively anymore, i have to my self to have a routine. I have this privilege to have a great husband who understand my moodiness, but i don’t want to be that way all the time. Somehow i know that, the challenge in my life will be tougher as day goes, sooner or later i will have classes, join on one organisation, having kids, and it’s hard to be everything at once without having a routine. I don’t want to be a mother who skip classes or a wife who serving late dinner. For these few months, i always excuse myself by saying i don’t have a routine because i am not responsible to no one, i am my own boss, i will do whatever i want and whenever i like; but that’s totally wrong. I always have responsibility on myself, to be a better version of myself, to improve everyday, to learn something new. I need a routine for that, to be exact i have to be discipline on my routine.

This afternoon, i watched this video from Mel Robbins in TEDxSF about how to get what i want.

What a revalation! From her i learn that getting you what you want is NOT EASY, IT HURTS AF, and YOU WON’T ENJOY IT THAT MUCH!!!!

Oh God, it feels so good to realize that. Like i told you, i was being idle these few months, i keep telling my self i don’t like that so i will not do that. But girl, not liking things will take you nowhere!!!!! So here is a post as solemn promise that i will have a routine this month! I will get my arse off to do everything that i promise my self to do, no excuse or whatever!

***

Dear y’all, i pledge myself to follow this routine everyday until the end of July.

My routines are:

– Watch one TED video after waking up

– Learn German for 30 minutes

– Study IOU for 40 minutes

– Edit my novel for 30 minutes

– Learn Arabic in Bayyinah.com for 30 minutes

– Write a blog post for one hour

– Write new novel for one hour

– Learn German for 30 minutes

– read one chapter of a book a day

– one juz of Qur’an

– write a poem

and…………

– start cooking and cleaning everyday at 7.30pm

– i am just allowed to watch one movie a day or 2 episode of any series a day.

I guess, that’s all.. Okay my rehab days start today, wish me strong!

Is there anyone who got the same issue like me? or you have the tips to overcome this kind of issue?

Love,

Azmi

I am so grateful to meet you.

I will be 21 tomorrow and i somehow got my self scared. The feeling of getting older and not achieving my dream that i have been planned to fulfill before turning 20 haunted me; I haven’t cry yet. This weekend i got my self the closure that i need, i tried so much to surpass my uneasy feeling, pushed it hard by replacing it with the calmer side of myself – that i know it was exist before. The time has came for to me to stop my nomadic thought; to summarize and wrap separately all the things that i learned on my hitchhiking era. It’s time for me to get rid of the waste and rescue the forgotten.

But honestly i haven’t really figured the detail of my young adult closure, i just know that i have to be more mature. I had enough fun being an ignorant child and childish spouse; I should stop acting out. I am thankful for what i have done and for all the choices I’ve made, i believe everything happens for a reason that will make me happier someday. I believe i had my best days, i got the best experiences for me to learn and remember. Then,  I am sorry for myself, for not being and not trying to be the best version of myself. But there is no regret, cause i was fully aware for what i have done; i planned to laid back and try some stuffs. I figured things out, i learned so much about how naive and ignorant a person could be, i learned what is learning really means, I become braver than before, i know things more.

I am not bulletproofed yet, my life wasn’t going upside down; it was more like a roller coaster ride. But now i feel like i know what is one of the most important thing in life as a mature person; “one should always learn”. I figured that true learning means the journey to find the best truth to be applied in life, to be a better human being.

This is supposed to be a post about the things that i should be grateful from the past week, but i suddenly turn it into a ramble of so-called, soon-to-be an adult. Let me start put down my list now. In my young adult life i am so grateful to meet these people, they resonate the energy that i needed. I think i will make this post as a thank you and a sorry letter from me.

The Husband

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I sometimes think what if our path don’t cross, where would i be right now? How is myself doing?

So dear Bjoerni, I sorry cause some-when in our years together, i ever hurt you, i became selfish enough to just think about my own needs and my own problem. I am sorry for ever being so demanding and needy. I am sorry for being complicated and careless. I am sorry for not being grateful enough. I know you never need my sorry and i thank you for that. I basically thank you for everything. For your smile, for your surprise kiss, for a chicken sandwich, for the spoiled side of you. I always have anything that i should thank of  when i am with you (I think right now after married the most used phrase in our conversation is thank you (before was i miss you)). I specially thank you for the spirit that you bring to our family, the spirit of love and the willing to always strive for the better. I thank you for your love and i love you. I love you.

I love you so much B

The Parents

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I was hard to deal with it and i was assuming that they were not trying enough. And now i am glad to realize that they best parents that i could have, without them i couldn’t be where i am right now.

So Mom, Dad I am really sorry if i ever make both of you cried, worried and angry. I am sorry that i couldn’t make you both happy just yet. I am sorry that i never give so much. I am sorry, that i could not often reach out. I am sorry that i never able to say i love you enough. In this time where i couldn’t shake your hands after pray, i miss you both so much. And I thank you for the lessons that you make me learn, i thank you for years of raising me. I thank you for letting me go and believe in me.

I love you

I love you

I always remember you in every pray, even though i never say it nor express it.

The Inspiring Friends

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Cause every time i see you two in my Facebook timeline i always become more productive. They two both done so much for the youth, while i am being stagnant and ignorant trying to figure things out. I cried so much every time i read the card that Khuya Tobit has given to me because he describes me as the best version of myself, it reminds me so much about that person and i become sad because i can’t figure out how to be that kind of person sooner. It was always a great time having them somewhere around in my life, either in Vietnam or in Indonesia; the short time that we spend together really bound me to always try (at least having intention) to do more for the society. Thank you for all the conversation that we had. Thank you for being so great and so inspiring and so kind and so funny. Thank you for making me believe that somehow, one day i could run schools and established an international org like you two.

Oh my, suddenly it becomes a thousand words post, why can’t i write 500 words post?!

The Honorable Mention

Well, i also want to thank these following names that grace my life with dreams, hope and smile.

* Marsenia for became my big sis for good two years, thanks for showing me how nice a person could be and also thanks to remind me how important mother earth is. I miss you, really.

* Dilah for teaching me the true bond of family. It’s so sad that again we can’t celebrate our birthday together.

* Mokhamad Kusnan; the president of Youthcare Indonesia, thanks for asking me to dream bigger and to host me when i am homeless in Jakarta

* Ollie Salsabila; thanks for being so humble and having an inspiring lunch with me. I still can’t forget your words. I’ll contact you as soon as my dream is published XD

* Miftah; thank you for being so generous, i really do learn so much from you.

And for every one else who isn’t in the list, i also thank you for color my life with your beautiful soul and sorry that i couldn’t always keep contact with everybody, but deeply i always miss everyone that i know.

So that’s the end of my list, tell me about your list of the best person in your life.

Ode for (so called) Adult

Better be a grown up!
Majestically free for a person to
Do everything, anything,
Nothing is wrong and boundaries are
Failure for the righteous one
Is diminished and shoved back
For a delusion

Bitter sweet reality is covered
By the lack of bravery
For being a coward
Wins and loser never lose
A fact that lie is the new marketing
Products oxymoron

Whose become mental manically
Speaking of de minimis activity as
If that provide the utmost, why it’s empty
Soul still remind the brain to
Cry for the loved one

Lost the key of heaven’s gate
Closed and too afraid to knock
And turn around to see blank space
Between self and self made

Realize to differ, vice versa
Form an idea of better
Life and the way to

Be mature!
Be happy!

But not being an adult.

Napowrimo day 8, a polinode of my brain on being a grown up.

Love Can Worry You easily

 

 

When thunders on with heavy rain fall

Wind thrust without its breeze

An empty side of this sofa

Calling for warm and peace

 

Of heart that is made from scratch

mind and ego are not match

Undergo yearns throughout compassions

love always suffers as much as love sparkles

 

Weary for love is indeed delicacy

Waiting for knock on door, Staring at the phone

Loud heart beat that always singing

Hoping and praying for ‘Okay’ is always around

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Late Nite with Islamic Documentary (Part Ibn Battuta)

JourneyToMeccaFilm2009

When B choosed this docu to watch in our Ramadhan weekend, i tried so hard to remember who is Ibn Battuta. That name sounds so familiar but still i cant recall any description about him on my head. I tried to googling the name, but then i calm myself down to see his story later on from the docu. It is really funny, how we are gen Y find information so easily, so then memorize something means nothing. I do really blame google for my lame brain function to memorize something (i ask B to keep thinking i have a little Alzheimer stuffs on my head for everything that i forget).

with that beard and clothes my dear friend >.<

with that beard and clothes my dear friend >.<

 

This video is supported by National Geographic, so no need to worry about quality of the cinematography or the plot itself. As the lead actor, Chems-Eddine Zinoune is from Marrocco, you also will savor another things that wont make you sleepy during 45 minutes documentary. 😉 LOOOL, the thing is this docu won’t make you sleep at all! The plot and backsound are beautifully in harmony to make your mind wander together with the docu.

I do learn a lot from Ibn Battuta after watch this docu. Who doesnt? He is a great example to be a youth adventurer tho, since Ibn Battuta is the greatest traveller of all time. Yeah, it is so sad for me to remember Marco Polo well but forget anything about Ibn Battuta. He is a brother who  travelled over 73,000 miles (117 500 km) and visited the equivalent of 44 modern countries! Please do note that it was in 14th century where no plane, not even car had been discovered!
The things that this great man teach us, youngsters, is not just about go outside the world! discover everything! it is also not about go find new land and conquer it! It simply teaches us to travelling with faith.

This docu doesnt bring us to 44 countries on his journey, modestly the director bring us on Battuta’s first journey that inspired those walk to 44 countries. Yeah, indeed we really should thank the inisiator of this docu, to bring us an amazing journey of the greatest traveller or all time. It is all start from a dream to see Mecca and begin from a braveness of 21 year old man to travel alone for 18 months in middle east dessert. So simple until each of us can be like him to be one of the greatest man of all time. We just need to dream and being brave.

Mecca is his first journey, however it was strange for man in his village to go to Mecca alone in such early age, he is still doing it. Not knowing this journey lied with lots of misfortune and adversity that will he remember for all his life. Spiritually, seeing Ibn Battuta’s journey to Mecca reflects me to just believe in Allah’s help. If we are longing something good, even if we are stuck in wrong deeds Allah will always come in so many different way. Faidza ‘azamta fatawakkal ‘alaa Allah, Innallaha yuhibbul mutawakkiliin. That’s what i keep seeing on this docu. That’s what Allah said on Ali Imran ayat 159: ‘…And once you have taken a decision, place your trust in Allah. Surely, Allah loves those who place their trust in Him.”

Another thought in my mind when i watch this doku is Travel more, closer to Allah even more!  Like Ibn Battuta, following his passion means just another way to praise Allah.

I have indeed—praise be to God—attained my desire in this world, which was to travel through the Earth, and I have attained this honour, which no ordinary person has attained. – Ibn Battuta exclaimed on Rihla.

Marco Polo Ibn Battuta

So hello gen Y who has this adversity live in 21st century, what are you waiting to travel more? Find your inspiration to be tougher to achieve your dream by watching Ibn Battuta story here

For me the thing that kick me to travel was when i went to Jakarta -the capital city- for a competition to represent my high school and my province. As a girl from a small city, it was a very big deal for me to see different people, culture and surroundings even just from the same country. That memories keep me believe that there is always a way to travel, we just have to want it badly and struggle more. Travel is like a pause of my life, as well as reflection and a new start. What is travelling for you?

PS: You can also read the book about his journey, title Rihla or The Voyage or The Journey. I will order it soon!!!

PSS: So far i’ve been all around Indonesia, Malaysia, Vietnam and Germany. Next week will go to Netherland. I am not planning to stop. Recent struggle are for Guinea and Thailand. Pray for me!

 

I am Sorry, My Palestine

 

 

Broke the glass
Filled water in
Locked the mess
Found reflection within

Skipping morning
Consoling solitude
Mind wondering, wandering
A News beg for self gratitude

For a heart that tired to weep
Compare with a body never go down for sleep
One serenade for broken heart story
The other requiem for dreams of humanity

Furious whim can’t be juxtaposed with blood that shared
One dollar can’t save any kiddo life
Yet, a heart is forfeit
Drop the subject, forget the living lifes

Broken glass, scattered water
Lament for a nonchalant
Wain for powerlessness
Mind wondering, wandering, then be grateful

Alas!
Screaming love cant be heard over
Praying safety remain on hold
Hugging become unexplicable

For a least trial though
I spell my tears out
I put my sorrow into words
I clarify my love

To be done on a blog
Someday you have chance to read it
You can reach me
my love, my hugs, my pray
and you feel a little bit happy
cause you know you are with me
you are with the world.

Elegi Ruang Lara

 

 

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gumpalan awannya bergerak pelan

kaca jendela takut lalu berlarian

 

pada lampu di sudut gagang pintu

cahaya merunut pada udara yang merdu

lubang kunci gemetar, menggigil, kalut

 

kabut! lemarii di tengah ruang ingin kabur

 

Kamu dimana sayang?

Aku butuh kamu!

 

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Pasrah bersama anak gadis yang sedang termangu

 

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